Still get butterflies when bringing up the idea of a planned gift or moving the conversation forward? Maybe a little voice inside tells you to put it off until the next meeting.
Yes? Well then, good news, you’re like the rest of us.
In fact, nearly 60% of people said they would do almost anything else to avoid a challenging conversation, according to CMI Research. Just over 40% said that not knowing how the other person will respond was another cause of fear.
Today, let’s put three little words into your toolbox of tips to help you make a big difference in your donor conversations.
“Tell me more …”
Use these three small but mighty powerful words, and you’ll likely be surprised at the depth and quality of answers you receive from prospects and donors.
For them, “tell me more …” turns the focus onto their life and proves you are truly listening to their wants, wishes, abilities and resources to make a gift.
For you, “tell me more …” yields authentic answers and enables you to see what’s truly on their minds and in their hearts. You’ll surely gain the truest insight into where they are in their donor journey.
Bonus! Did you know? Most of us love sharing our stories—it’s part of what makes us human. Talking about ourselves not only feels good, but it also lights up the areas of the brain associated with reward and happiness. For donors, this means having a chance to share why they give or what inspires them can be a truly joyful experience. So, when you ask questions and genuinely listen, you’re not just learning—you’re giving them a gift.
Alexandra Carter, a United Nations negotiation trainer and Columbia law professor started using the “tell-me-more” phrase when she was trained as a mediator in the early 2000s. She was surprised by the depth of information those three small words revealed.
Leading with these three little words almost insists the other person opens up to you, she says. “It’s the broadest possible question to give you the most information,” she says.
Compel donors to go deeper into themselves. In turn, they’ll give you more back.
“Tell me more” statements can be used in every stage of your donor conversations. For example:
Developing Conversations:
- Prospect/Donor: “My parents taught me the value of giving back in life and beyond. I want to instill the same values in my children.”
- You: “Tell me more about your wonderful parents! Then we can discuss opportunities for you to model these core values for your children, as your parents did.”
Generating Ideas:
- Prospect/Donor: “I have an idea about how I’d like to make my gift.”
- You: “Wonderful! Tell me more about your idea and how you envision us working together to make it happen.”
Offsetting Objections:
- Prospect/Donor: “I would like to make a gift, but I don’t have the assets.”
- You: “I hear you. Tell me more about why you say this. If you’d like, I can share some ways to make a gift that won’t affect your current finances and may even produce some income for you.”
Other helpful “tell-me-more” statements:
- “Tell me more about what you need from me to consider a planned gift…”
- “Tell me more about your family …”
- “Tell me more about your motivations for making a planned gift …”
- “Tell me more about someone you admire …”
Think of your “tell-me-more” statements as intentional moments to slow the conversation, gleaning information that will enable you to propose a gift that’s truly meaningful and beneficial for your prospects and donors.
Speaking of slowing the conversation, get comfortable in the pause. Research noted by the American Psychological Association found that short pauses between speakers are linked with greater feelings of connectedness. Pauses between two people getting to know one another can actually signal connectedness—if one person shares something personal and the other takes a moment to reflect before answering, for example.
And always do this one thing…
In every donor interaction, think of your donors as YOU.
Put yourself in their shoes. How would you like to be asked a “tell-me-more” question? Would you feel invalidated if, while sharing a story that meant a lot to you, the other person looked like they were thinking about something else—maybe even bored?
Stay in it by:
- Silencing your phone
- Turning off your computer
- Avoiding the urge to multitask by checking emails or giving attention to other tasks
- Imaging the story right along with them as they speak
- Engaging with eye contact
- Recalling information that the speaker has already shared
Hey there, tell US more! We’d love to hear how you’ve used these three little words in your donor conversations. If you haven’t, how can you imagine them improving your discussions? We’ve put away our phones and we’re listening …