Working closely with nonprofit organizations in their roles at Stelter, Jana Cobb, Client Strategist, and Bill Zahren, Senior Content Specialist, often see how small shifts in language can shape the way supporters feel about an organization. Drawing on their training in philanthropic psychology, they explore why gratitude and connection play such an important role in building lasting donor relationships.
Have you heard the saying, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”? (Maya Angelou)
It’s a good thing to keep in mind any time you craft an outbound message for your donors and prospects.
And it doesn’t need to be hard. According to research from the Institute of Sustainable Philanthropy, there are two small words that, when combined, can make every donor and prospect feel good and connected to your organization, two powerful precursors for making financial gifts: Thank you.
The research is clear: you should thank everyone, early and often. That includes donors, subscribers, members, alumni and volunteers, of course. But also, event attendees, quiet advocates and even those who have never made a financial gift.
Sometimes our clients hesitate, asking: “What if we thank someone who hasn’t given? What, exactly, are we thanking them for? Will they feel misunderstood, or worse, pressured?”
Valid concerns—but philanthropic psychology research suggests the opposite. It suggests that saying thank you for non-monetary support today often paves the way for gifts and tangible support later.
The Psychology of Gratitude: 3 Key Insights
Research from the Institute for Sustainable Philanthropy consistently shows that gratitude is not merely a polite gesture; it’s a behavioral driver.
Their work highlights three important themes:
1. Identity Drives Giving More Than Transactions
People give because they see themselves as the kind of person who supports causes like yours. Gratitude reinforces that identity, even before a gift is made.
When you thank someone for being part of your community, you are effectively saying: “You belong here.” That sense of belonging is often a precursor to future giving, especially in planned gifts, which are deeply tied to personal values and legacy.
2. Warm Glow Extends Beyond Giving
The “warm glow” effect commonly associated with donating can also be triggered by recognition alone.
In other words, people don’t have to make a financial contribution to feel good about being connected to your mission.
When you thank supporters who are non-donors, you share the warm glow with them:
- You validate their emotional investment
- You deepen their connection
- You increase the likelihood of future engagement (including estate gifts)
3. Gratitude Reduces Psychological Friction
One of the biggest barriers to planned giving is not financial; it’s psychological. It’s the discomfort of confronting legacy decisions.
Gratitude softens this barrier. For example, language like this can gently open the door:
- “Many in our community choose to reflect their values through the legacy they leave behind.”
- “For those who care deeply about this mission, planning ahead can be a powerful way to make an impact.”
When appreciation is present, messaging feels relational rather than transactional, and future gift conversations feel like a natural extension instead of an ask. Perhaps most importantly, trust increases—and trust is essential for long-term commitments like bequests.
The Awkwardness Myth
Some organizations worry that saying “thank you” might confuse recipients, make them feel guilty or awkward, or draw attention to the fact that they haven’t given. This can happen when gratitude is framed transactionally.
The solution is simple. Thank them for the relationship instead of a donation.
Language That Works: Gratitude Without Assumption
Here are examples of phrasing that bridge appreciation without tying it explicitly to financial giving:
Broad, Inclusive Gratitude
- “Thank you for being part of our community.”
- “We’re grateful for the many ways you stay connected to our mission.”
- “Your interest and engagement help keep this work moving forward.”
Mission-Centered Appreciation
- “Because people like you care about this work, we’re able to keep moving it forward.”
- “It means so much to have you alongside us in this mission.”
Identity-Based Language
- “You’re part of a group of people who believe in making a lasting difference.”
- “Supporters like you help shape the future of this work.”
Planned Giving Bridge Language
- “Many in our community choose to reflect their values through the legacy they leave behind.”
- “For those who care deeply about this mission, planning ahead can be a powerful way to make an impact.”
With this language, there’s no assumption of past giving, no pressure, no transactional framing. Instead, you’re offering a genuine sense of belonging, real appreciation, and the kind of identity reinforcement that makes people feel they truly matter.
The Strategic Shift: Rethinking Gratitude
Gratitude is not a reward for giving. It’s an invitation to belong.
When you thank only donors, you reinforce behavior. When you thank everyone, you build identity. And identity is what ultimately drives legacy decisions.
Where Legacy Gifts Actually Begin
Planned gifts are rarely spontaneous. They are the result of long-term affinity, emotional alignment and trust built over years—and that journey often begins before someone ever makes a financial gift.
Have you ever asked yourself why someone who has never given before decides to include a massive gift in their estate plan?
The answer is connection. They supported you in ways more powerful than a donation. They felt personally connected to your mission and valued being part of your community. And they felt that support was appreciated.
Why? Because you thanked them for it, over and over again.